18, considering transition

bordiga

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#1
So, I just turned 18 and I've been more seriously considering transitioning, for a few reasons:
  1. I am 5'3 and not growing any more, 120 lbs with a little muscle but not a lot, obviously not the optimal male build. My dick is roughly 4.5". On top of this, i only leak a small amount of clear fluid (basically precum) when I orgasm (apparantly this happens to people on hrt but I've never been able to cum normally). I don't know whether or not this makes me infertile, but I am probably incapable of having normal male orgasms and sex.
  2. I get anxious talking to girls and they show no interest in me, I've never had a girlfriend or even been on a date with a girl. I'm also a virgin and have never kissed a girl. I asked a few out and got rejected when I was younger but since lockdown I haven't tried. I want to be able to have a fulfilling romantic and sex life and it really feels impossible to do get this as I am right now
  3. I am definitely attracted to women and starting to think I might be attracted to men as well. I am kind of desperate for sexual and romantic contact to the point where I would be willing to date men even though I'm not really sure whether or not I am actually into guys. I don't like the idea of being in a gay relationship, though.
  4. I compulsively crossdressed as a young kid and started again like 4 months ago. I guess this kinda awakened something in me and i started researching trans stuff, hormones, etc. I don't have dysphoria and I never considered transition before a few months ago
  5. I am increasingly depressed because of the stuff i mentioned and other things, I recently became addicted to nicotine and I feel myself slipping into lazy and NEET behavior. My sister committed suicide recently and a close friend did as well, I have had suicidal thoughts and would like to avoid killing myself. I don't like living like this. It seems like some people see transitioning as a solution and I feel like I am probably a good candidate and the I have the will to do it at least right now
How does one start doing this? Hormones first and then social transition or vice verse? Is there stuff I can do to prepare for when I can transition? should I even transition? I live with my parents for the next year or so and then moving out to go to college. They would not support me and I can't openly transition while I'm living here, so anything I do would have to be hideable.
 

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#2
Sorry for not replying earlier. I approved your account so you will be able to freely post.
Hormones first and then social transition
Yes that is typically the best approach to follow. It will make the social transition (the difficult part) much easier.
I compulsively crossdressed as a young kid and started again like 4 months ago. I guess this kinda awakened something in me and i started researching trans stuff, hormones, etc. I don't have dysphoria and I never considered transition before a few months ago
This indicates that your wish to transition is not just about wanting to find a partner, you actually enjoy aspects of being a girl (such as female clothing) which isn't surprising considering you are interested in transitioning (people just wanting to get laid are very rarely interested in HRT).

I did take a look at your picture on reddit and i do think you will be able to become a beautiful woman.
 

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#5
Even if you don't pass as a female. I've discovered that people tend to treat you better just by being less masculine.
I do find that very interesting.

I think it's that if you are masculine people will view you are a treat (males can be very dangerous), females might still find masculine males more sexually attractive though.

Personally i do not really need to interact much with strangers IRL in the first place. Mostly when i need something it's from a business who want to sell me stuff (regardless how i look, etc). I don't need strangers to hold up doors for me.
 
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#6
So, I just turned 18 and I've been more seriously considering transitioning, for a few reasons:
  1. I am 5'3 and not growing any more, 120 lbs with a little muscle but not a lot, obviously not the optimal male build. My dick is roughly 4.5". On top of this, i only leak a small amount of clear fluid (basically precum) when I orgasm (apparantly this happens to people on hrt but I've never been able to cum normally). I don't know whether or not this makes me infertile, but I am probably incapable of having normal male orgasms and sex.
HNNNG share pics :love:
 
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